Memo

Dear Insufferably Slow Computer,

Prior to the previously mentioned impediment, there were already enough times daily I wanted to throw you against the wall. Just ask your partner in annoyance, Mr. Printer, how hard my slap is.... I mean business, and I am SO over bargaining with you.

You see, I am an artist, not a "techie". I thought I "knew better" when I gaffed at the Graphic Design major and went straight for Painting and Drawing. I will create beautiful pictures with my own two hands, I thought! But alas, it was 2004, and without the computer, there was no way to get my designs to anyone, so I tried my hardest and learned it as best I could. Now, when people see mywork, everyone becomes a technology critic. I cannot count how many times I have been told not to use that program or that computer or that ftp or that file format, and frankly, I have NO IDEA what anyone really expects. No one has ever came into my studio and looked me in the eye and given me constructive advice. And even with simple things like email -- I finally switch over to the "professional looking" email addresses, and then you are barred from having your "professional" signature. Such things drive me dizzy!

So, computer, with all these issues we were already having, why would you decide right now to quit working? Now when everyone is waiting to hear from me and I am trying to save for other investments. I already had you, I thought the computer column had a big "check" next to it!

I'm not one to gripe, but I thought we'd had a good run with eachother. I was pretty good to you; always buying you the latest safety software, and I even carried you out of harm's way when Ike was barelling down last year. Perhaps like the rest of us, you're just plain weary. But must you really take 30 minutes to open a file, and then have a system error when I try to finally work on the file???? Do you know many things we used to get done in 30 minutes??? Remember the good ole days???

So instead of being able to comply with everyone's desires for their proofs, I am researching re-purchasing and re-loading all of my software on my hubby's laptop and wondering how much more of my life you stubborn machine will eat.

In closing, since you seem to have a mind of your own lately, if you could send an auto-generated email out to my whole address book letting them know about the situation, that would be awesome. It just might score you a resting place in my garage instead of in a field a la "Office Space."

xoxo hh